Dreams.

I was thinking the other day, how some girls dream of their wedding day, dream of "what they want to be when they grow up" as in a career, or making it to the Broadway and becoming famous... all that stuff. Dreams. The kind of dream that you spend your life working toward. The kind of dream that pulls you toward it and occupies your thoughts and makes your heart draw out in longing. And the other day, as I was once again thinking about what I could major in, I wondered (even though my case is common) if there was something wrong with me. Why don't I have a dream? Why don't I already know what I want to be?

Then I realized: I absolutely have a dream. At least one. I want to serve a full-time mission.

Let me first explain that in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, when you become a missionary you are assigned to serve in some part of the world. It could be any state, country, city, island... virtually anywhere. Missionaries dedicate themselves 24/7 for 18-24 months, serving God primarily by teaching the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, which they know to be true, and by serving the local people in any way they can.

Phew, okay.

So for some reason, I want to be a missionary. I want some serious time to lose myself in serving Jesus Christ. I love people, and I want them to experience the joy and healing that the truths of the restored gospel have made available to me. I want them to know God as intimately as they can--I know that this true gospel is the way to get there. It is true, for the Spirit of God has whispered it to my soul. It resonates deep within my heart, speaks peace to my soul, and heals me like nothing else. It doesn't get old. It comes from God. The longer I go, the harder I think on it, the more true it feels and the more perfectly it makes sense to me. The Savior lives, his gospel has been restored as in days of old, and this is it. This is the church that He has organized with His hands.

As much as I want it for the people I'll serve, I want my mission for me. I want to learn to really LOVE. I want to love others so deeply and sincerely and completely, with all my heart, so much that I ache for them. I want to lose myself as I serve them (and in the process, find myself in the truest sense). I want to push myself way, way out of my comfort zone; I want to stretch my soul, for a grand and meaningful purpose. I want to wear the Savior's name on my black nametag, right next to my heart. I want to learn to love and know the scriptures much better and more deeply than I have ever before. I want to participate in the glorious living work that my Savior is directing here on earth. I want to witness His love for His children more deeply. I want to see miracles. Although alone I'm so flawed and have so many weaknesses, if the Lord is with me I can be a tool in His hands to show and teach people a better way to live and be completely healed. I want to give myself up to Jesus. I want to make myself available to Him so he may work through me. I want to help others to feel the Spirit of their Lord. I want to learn to keep going when there seems to be no hope; that will require a strong faith and hope in the Savior. I want to learn that physical limitations mean little--that while on the Lord's errand, I am strengthened in my weakness, no matter what kind of weakness it is. I want to experience the Spirit of God burning and testifying of truth to someone I am teaching for the first time. I want to feel the Spirit giving me the words to share. I want to see someone as they gain the courage to change their lives and come unto Christ to find a fullness of joy. I want to see that light in their eye, that change in their countenance. I want to teach people about how their families can be together forever. I want to be sent as a answer to someone's prayer for help. I want to learn to throw away every bit of my fear and just do, knowing that the Lord is with me.

I want to learn to forget myself and really live. I want to walk with angels. I want to walk with God.

All of this is possible. This is my dream.

Note: I realize that a full-time mission isn't the only way to learn these things. But it's what I want. I want that time to devote myself 110% to the work. I can't really do that in my normal daily life, unfortunately.

16 months until the dream becomes realized. I have so much preparing to do...