Ready? Not really. Willing? Yes.

The chapters in my life called "Tennessee," "Teenagerhood," "SHAC Theatre," "Homeschool," and "Piano Lessons" are about to end. Some of them already have! I wish I could keep open some chapters, and some I'm glad to be leaving behind. Life moves forward, time passes by, no matter how you feel about it or what you do. One thing's for sure: I don't feel stuck in a rut. :)

I'll miss my family. I'm so lucky to come from the background that I do. My family is so strange, but wonderful... I'm grateful for how much they've done for me. I'll also miss the friends I've made. They're precious to me and sometimes when I'm hanging out with them, I'll get lost in thought for a second and think, "Wow. These people are my friends." I'm so blessed.

I've learned more in the last two years of my life than I ever even knew there was to learn. My mom would say I haven't changed at all, and she'd be right in some cases, but most changes that have happened have gone on inside of me so that only I really would notice them. I think that's true of a lot of people. But anyway, it's kind of amazing to me when I think back to who I've been compared to who I am. I've been given many experiences, struggles, gifts, desires, and defining moments that have shaped who I've become. Of course I still have so far to go, but I have come a long way... I've made some terrible mistakes, and I've also made some good choices, and most of those past mistakes/wounds have healed. I've learned who I want to be.

What has made the difference? Reading the Book of Mormon every morning. It sounds to simple, but it's been the key... it's made everything that's happened to me mean something. It allows the Holy Ghost to actually stay with me all day if I want it. It opens up the way to more sincere prayer, greater love for and closeness to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, progress, and a deeper desire (or tendency, even) to actually live the gospel. Without daily scripture feasting (reading doesn't cut it ;]), I would be a very different person today. I would be much less of a person.

The Book of Mormon is more than a book. There is a divine power that it carries, and it's certainly unlike any book I have ever encountered. It offers nourishment to the soul on a deeper level than I have ever found anywhere else. I know its teachings to be true, and I know it to come from God, for I have asked Him and he has confirmed to me that the book is His. It testifies of my Savior. He uses it along with the Spirit to touch and teach me. I will never deny the truthfulness of this book.

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The chapters in my life called "BYU," "Poverty," "Young and Single," "Snow," and others are about to start. I'm excited to discover other things, other chapters, along the way that I can't see now. I'm so excited to meet and learn from the people I'll cross paths with, and for the opportunities that will turn up as I go along. It will be an interesting adventure. I can feel it.

I expect to struggle a lot. I expect to learn and grow a lot too, though. I'm going to be way out of my comfort zone, and many things await me that I have never ever done, dealt with, or experienced before. I expect to come out of it changed. Not a different person, really, but an improved version of myself. I hope that, at least. Point B is going to look very different than this Point A. But isn't that the purpose?

I don't feel ready, but I'm willing. I know it's the right time, and I'm heading in the right direction and God will always be at my side. He's leading me to fill my potential, my destiny... to squeeze some greatness out of me, because He knows it's in there even if I don't. I'm going to do what He asks of me and make something of my life.

It's all very exciting in a scary sort of way. I don't know how it will work, but no one really knows that. I'm poor and I'm still waiting for this loan to come through. I'm scared about the money part, but it'll be okay. That's a very common concern, right? It never makes sense on paper--it doesn't seem very hopeful right now as I'm typing this--but I have faith that I'm doing the right thing. It will come together somehow, and I'll make it. My situation is nothing extraordinarily unfortunate. The reason I have these worries is because I'm going to BYU! What a great opportunity! I should be grateful for the chance to have these worries! :)

Whatever I face, I can know that I'm in the situation because God loves me. It's a truth I've come to know over these past few years.

Coming soon.

Topics to discuss:


Leaving...

- Personal security; what do we really own? thoughts inspired by Man's Search for Meaning
- Friends; how have we affected each other up to this point?
- Independence; what does it really mean to me?
- What I've learned from growing up in my home
- What I expect from my BYU experience
- Feelings about my mission and missionaries



Optional topics:
- Intelligence vs studiousness
- The questionable value of financial security
- The value of living "unplugged"
- The role of teaching in my life
- Living out West vs living in the South